Hello! I am Arya Harris Keller
I thought I had to be perfect, or I would die. In my case this was literal.
When my mother was pregnant with me, her doctor advised her to have an abortion because he thought I might be severely disabled. My mother was terrified but determined to have me and directed her energy to having a “perfectly healthy baby.” She got her wish. I arrived perfect and healthy. But from my perspective, in utero, I received the directive “be perfect or die.”
As a child, I was a good girl. I was the kind of kid who could pick up anything and be good at it. I excelled at sports, art, and academics. I was sensitive, idealistic, and I wanted to save the world. I cared. Friends and even strangers would often confide in me. I was a people pleaser. I strove for perfection in all I did, not realizing that I was driven by a constant fear of death should I not be perfect.
I earned scholarships to university, received my degree, and married my high school sweetheart. We lost our first baby to a miscarriage, and I was devastated. Like a typical good girl, I assumed personal responsibility for everything and tried harder to create my perfect life. Eventually, we adopted two children – a boy and a girl. I was happy. Life was perfect, right?
Unfortunately, nothing is perfect. Both of our kids turned out to have significant special needs. Help was not available.
I was often blamed for my kid’s issues. I was without resources and a diagnosis for ten years! I felt crazy, overwhelmed, and stressed out. On the outside, everything looked good, I had everything I ever wanted. But on the inside, I was struggling; my fear of annihilation drove me to try harder, but I felt like I was a mistake. I shouldn’t exist.
And then, I had an awakening that changed my life. In a miraculous instant, I felt white light shoot up my spine and I experienced union with the Divine, God, the Universe (it doesn’t matter what you call it), and I understood the Oneness we all are. I felt the deepest, most profound love, and I knew – I wasn’t a mistake – I was Love. We all are.
I wish I could say that my life instantly became perfect with my awakening, but it didn’t work that way. I continued to seek help for my family through many modalities. I also dove into my own personal and spiritual growth. I practiced yoga. I met with a Goddess group. I participated and trained to staff at Enlightenment Intensives. I fell in love with a modality called Mind Clearing, which became a lifeline for me. In many ways, my life improved, but in other ways, my life resembled a pressure cooker
Things intensified at home with the cascade of mental health diagnoses we faced: Reactive Attachment Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. With escalating negative behaviors and my deteriorating health, the pressure peaked and finally exploded when my husband of 20 years told me of an affair.
Shortly afterwards, I had a powerful Mind Clearing session in which I blew out my good girl state. My good girl no longer ran the show, nor was there fuel to my perfectionism. There was no one there to try harder, do more, or care more for the people around me than they cared for themselves. This was new and a relief because in her place was – ME. No pretense. No mask. Just ME. More real than I’d ever been.
That’s when I walked away from everything I had ever wanted and loved.
With my divorce, I surrendered entirely to the love and truth I knew from my awakening and into the ME I am. Everything was exactly as it was – there was no need for my perfectionism on top of it all. I knew that whatever wasn’t real would fall away, and whatever was True would survive the cataclysm my life had become. I started over.
As I took responsibility for my life and my health, I realized the fear that I’d die if I did it imperfectly was gone. I relaxed. I healed. I discovered my sense of humor when I made mistakes. I found self-compassion and joy I never had before. I remarried a man of integrity and shared spiritual depth. Instead of doing everything myself, I found help for my daughter at a world-class school that specializes in RAD. I created another Goddess group. I became a certified Happiness Trainer and yoga teacher.
My love of truth and authentic relating led me to complete years of training to become a Mind Clearer, so I can help others and bring this transformational work to life in the lives of others.
I realized that not only am I happy today in this perfectly imperfect life, but it’s a part of my soul’s purpose to share what I’ve learned with those who can relate – especially those Special Moms who get it. On the other side of our deepest pain is an opportunity to find our deepest truth and the source of real fulfillment and happiness that doesn’t depend on outside circumstances.